The Five Words a Showgirl Never Wants To Hear

Maren Wade's Confessions of a Showgirl: "The Five Words a Showgirl Never Wants to Hear" Photo Credit: Patrick Rivera

Click here for full article in Las Vegas Weekly

“Thank you for your time.” Have you ever noticed that nothing good happens after someone says that to you? Showgirls are no exception. Those are five words you never want to hear from a casting director after you finish auditioning.

Performing in a show is wonderful, but when you are a showgirl between jobs, the most grueling part of auditioning is the inner monologue that goes on before, during and after.

It goes something like this:

Five Questions to Never Ask a Vegas Showgirl

Maren Wade's Confessions of a Showgirl: "5 Questions to Never Ask a Vegas Showgirl" (Photo Credit: Patrick Rivera)

Click here for full article in Las Vegas Weekly

1. What is your height?

If you’re going to ask this question, be prepared for a dishonest answer. It wasn’t until I got to Vegas that I learned my “official” height. I happen to be a particularly short showgirl. (Like I’ve said before, the modern day showgirl comes in many forms, shapes and sizes.)

When I first moved to Vegas, I would tell the truth and say I was 5-foot-4. A fellow showgirl was shocked when she found this out. She informed me, “Everyone in Vegas assumes you are lying about your height. So, if you tell them you are 5-foot-4, they think you are 5-foot-2! You have to tell them you are 5-foot-6!” I couldn’t believe I had been shortchanging myself. (I wish I could say that was the first time.)

The Naked Truth: A Showgirl's Topless Trauma

Maren Wade's Confessions of a Showgirl: "The Naked Truth-A Showgirl's Topless Trauma" (Photo Credit: Patrick Rivera)

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Have you ever had that dream where you’re at school or work and suddenly you realize you’re naked? One showgirl had an experience like this, only in real life. I’ll call her Sarah (which means the only thing you can be sure about is that her name isn’t Sarah).

The Downfall of an Understudy

Maren Wade's Confessions of a Showgirl: "The Downfall of an Understudy" Photo Credit: Patrick Rivera

Click here to read full article in Las Vegas Weekly

We’ve all been there. That moment when you live out a dream and realize it’s not at all what you expected. Lisa, though petite in stature, had tall dreams of starring in a Broadway show. After years of hard work, Lisa’s dream came true. Okay, I have a confession to make: Her dream came true minus a few details.

So the show wasn’t on Broadway; it was on the Las Vegas Strip. However, it was once on Broadway and, more importantly, Lisa was going to be the star. Actually, “star” is a loose term. I think her official title was “understudy” to the star. (For those who don’t know the term understudy, it’s the person who learns all of the star’s moves, grows close to the star and then hopes an injury befalls him or her—ideally nonfatal.)

I won’t mention the name of the show to protect the guilty, but let’s just say it’s a musical named after a windy city … in Illinois.

The Double-Jointed Chicken Dance: A Cautionary Tale

Maren Wade's Confessions of a Showgirl: "The Double-Jointed Chicken Dance: A Cautionary Tale" Photo Credit: Patrick Rivera

Click here to read full article in Las Vegas Weekly

One of my favorite words in the English language is “gig.” My ears perk up and I see dollar signs each time I get a call that starts with, “Hey, I gotta gig for you.”

The great thing about Vegas is there are a lot of gigs to go around. A gig is normally a one-time performance. Sometimes it goes well. Other times, you lay an egg.

It was the grand opening for a franchise chicken restaurant, and various dancers from the Las Vegas Strip were cast to perform in a show designed specifically for the event. Who goes out of their way to design a full production show for a chicken restaurant?

May I remind you, this is Vegas.