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Las Vegas Entertainer featured on America's Got Talent, NBC's Star Tomorrow and The National Radio City Tour with the Rockettes.  

Also seen in "Show in The Sky" at the Rio, "Vegas! The Show" at Planet Hollywood, "Fantasy" at the Luxor and has toured nationally with football legend Terry Bradshaw in "America's Favorite Dumb Blonde."  

Currently writes the column "Confessions of a Showgirl" featured in Las Vegas Weekly.

Maren Wade's Official Website www.marenwade.com

Confessions of a Showgirl Official Website www.confessionsofashowgirl.com

Thursday, July 23, 2015

8 Grammar Mistakes Everyone Makes

Maren Wade's Confessions of a Showgirl: 8 Grammar Mistakes Everyone Makes
Maren Wade's Confessions of a Showgirl: 8 Grammar Mistakes Everyone Makes

As I approach my first anniversary of writing these confessions, I wanted to reflect on my growth as a showgirl and a writer. I went back through all my emails with my editor and decided to highlight some of my best grammar bloopers. Perhaps we are all guilty of these mistakes … or maybe it’s just me. You decide.

“I was auditioning for a new show in town. Turns out this particular position called for a showgirl who could play … an office nerd that suddenly breaks into an 80’s hip-hop dance while rapping. “

Editor’s note: “That” is a thing. “Who” is a person. A nerd is a person. Use “who” instead of “that.”

Showgirl’s note: I apologize to nerds everywhere for referring to them as things. I don’t feel that way, nor have I ever felt that way. Mr. Nerd, from now on, you will always be a “who” to me.

“I was ready for my cake-popping debut. I shimmied into the cake and squatted downon the little chair. “

Editor’s Note: Down is redundant; you can’t squat “up.”

Showgirl’s Note: I beg to differ with my editor on this one. Some showgirls are acrobats, contorting in all sorts of precarious positions, especially on aerial silks. With that said, a showgirl can definitely squat up … when she’s upside down.

“Anthem time came around. She hummed her starting note quietly under her breath, making sure she was in the right key … ‘Off to a great start,’ She thought to herself.

Editor’s Note: One of the great redundancies is “thought to herself” or “think to yourself.” Just say “think.”

Showgirl’s Note: Hmmm. And now I’m thinking to myself, I never thought of it that way!

“No, I was falling! I was falling right off the stage and into the audience, tits* down and beak up. (Are “tits” okay to say?)”

Editor’s Note: I believe tits are okay for the Weekly. I’ll let stand.

Showgirl’s Note: Okay, I have a confession to make. There were no grammatical errors on that one. I just wanted to illustrate the formality of some of my conversations with my editor.

5. (Or should I say five?) Excerpts from A showgirl’s addiction:

“They say to successfully conquer an addiction you need a Twelve-step program … I’m thinking 1 pair of shoes for every step would be great … if twelve pairs are too much, maybe we could just do 6 instead?”

Editor’s Note: Numbers are spelled out up to nine; from 10 and higher, use the numeral. YOU ARE GETTING THE NUMBERS RULE BACKWARD IN THIS COLUMN.

Showgirl’s Note: I still don’t get it.

6. An excerpt from How to treat a diva:

“Slowly but surely, after following my own advice, we outgrew our showgirl tryst. We even live together now … Maybe she’s happier living with me. Or maybe it was that fleecollar that did the trick.”

Editor’s Note: A flea collar protects a pet from fleas; not sure what a flee collar is, but it sounds a little ribald.

Showgirl’s Note: Good to know. By the way, what does “ribald” mean?

7. An excerpt from Vegas then and now:

“As I was searching deep in my dressing room shelves for my favorite bedazzled Swarovski bra, I came across an ancient artifact. I felt like Nicholas Cage in the movie National Treasure.”

Editor’s Note: Nicolas Cage is always spelled that way. Always. No "h" in that first name.

Showgirl’s Note: Interesting. Someone should tell Nicholas Cage he's spelling his name wrong.

“Just when you think you’re leveling out, the ship starts rocking back and forth.”

Editor’s Note: Cut “back and forth,” which is redundant. Rocking is, by definition, a back-and-forth motion.

Showgirl’s Note: Rocking, by definition, is also redundant.

Anyway, I should do a column on all my grammar corrections.

Editor’s Reply:

If you hold out long enough, you can write a novella about your grammar corrections. If you hold out longer than that, we'll have a novel ready for publication.

Showgirl’s reply to Editor’s reply: Awe. Thanks for believing in me.

So with all that said (or written), I want to spotlight my editor John Katsilometes. Without you, this column would have never been possible, and neither would my showgirl novel, which I will be releasing sometime soon. Your faith in what I can accomplish means the world to me. I promise I won’t let you down.

Happy one-year anniversary to Confessions of a Showgirl!

Follow Maren on Twitter @marenwade 

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