About Me

My photo

Las Vegas Entertainer featured on America's Got Talent, NBC's Star Tomorrow and The National Radio City Tour with the Rockettes.  

Also seen in "Show in The Sky" at the Rio, "Vegas! The Show" at Planet Hollywood, "Fantasy" at the Luxor and has toured nationally with football legend Terry Bradshaw in "America's Favorite Dumb Blonde."  

Currently writes the column "Confessions of a Showgirl" featured in Las Vegas Weekly.

Maren Wade's Official Website www.marenwade.com

Confessions of a Showgirl Official Website www.confessionsofashowgirl.com

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

A Showgirl's Super Bowl

Maren Wade's Confessions of a Showgirl: A Showgirl's Superbowl
Maren Wade's Confessions of a Showgirl: A Showgirl's Superbowl
It’s like a basketball game. You anxiously watch the ball go back and forth. Suddenly, one side makes a play. He shoots! He scores! Touchdown!

Okay, I have a confession to make. I don’t know much about sports. But the debate over which city is better, Los Angeles or Las Vegas, seems like the Super Bowl of all arguments. Since I’ve lived in both places, I’ll weigh in.Think of me as the referee while I compare both cities in some popular categories.

Best City to Raise a Family

Both score points in this set. Next time you go out, whether it’s to dinner (in LA) or a nightclub (in Vegas), take notice of how many fathers spend quality time with their daughters. I mean, where else do you see so many older men being so attentive? They’re busy wining and dining the apples of their eyes. It brings warmth to my heart.

Running Total - Las Vegas: 1 vs. LA: 1

Most Attractive Population

Speaking of those men’s daughters, they are all so young and gorgeous not to mention talented. In LA, they are all actresses with carefully crafted beach waves of hair that are too perfect to have come from the beach. They also work so hard. On top of acting, they waiton tables.

In Las Vegas, you have, voila, the showgirls, who carefully spend their time getting stuck in cakes, fishnets and sequins,  chicken costumes, zig-zag boxes  … is there anything I missed? Anyway, all the while maintaining the glitter and glamour that is a Vegas Showgirl. I think Vegas should score the point this quarter for the chicken costume alone.

Running Total - Las Vegas: 2 vs. LA: 1

City with the Best Transportation 

In LA, it takes 45 minutes to travel 5 miles because you’re stuck in traffic. In Vegas, you’re not stuck in traffic. You’re stuck at the traffic light for the whole 45 minutes. Las Vegas gets a point reduction on this one. Told you this race was a nail biter.

Running total - Las Vegas: 1 vs. LA: 1

Most Athletic City We’ve all heard it and I’m here to verify. Nobody walks in LA. In Vegas, you can walk for miles and that’s just from your car to the casino.

I’m not a big fan of walking since I only own shoes with heels. I am in favor of it, theoretically. I’ll give LA a point on this inning.

Running Total - LA: 2 vs. Las Vegas: 1

Most Stylish City

LA is famous for its style but it can be too stylish for its own good. For instance, many restaurants won’t allow men to wear caps, or they restrict women when it comes to other popular accessories, such as Chihuahuas.

Las Vegas establishments have certain restrictions as well. There are signs, which read: “No firearms or weapons permitted on this property.” I’m a big fan of Chihuahuas. (I have two … They’re rescues … Their names are Gidget and Lenny … Want to see a picture?) Now where was I? I’ll let Gidget and Lenny decide this round.

Running Total - Las Vegas: 2 vs. LA: 2

City with the Most Diversity Both cities have many colorful characters. In Los Angeles, you might see a wild and animated redhead, hard at work, pushing around his shopping cart and speaking to his imaginary friends. In Vegas, that guy has his own show!

Score - Las Vegas: 3 vs. LA: 3 So let’s see, what’s the score? It’s a tie! What do they do in sports when it’s a tie? Do they go into overtime? Well, in that case Las Vegas wins by a goal!

You can’t compete with a city that stays open 24/7!

  Click here to see article in Las Vegas Weekly

Monday, January 19, 2015

How to Lose Weight Like a Showgirl

Maren Wade's Confessions of a Showgirl: How to Lose Weight Like a Showgirl
Maren Wade's Confessions of a Showgirl: How to Lose Weight Like a Showgirl

With so many diet fads, it’s impossible to know which one to choose. Sure, some of them work temporarily, but very few are a long-term solution to weight loss. There is no better way to stay in shape than to have another showgirl around to keep you inspired and motivated to be the best you can be. Plus, it’s the best way to keep an eye on your competition and make sure she never ends up skinnier than you. Because if that happens and by chance you need another job, you can bet she’s going to get it instead.

All it takes to keep the weight off for good is that one dreaded time where you are bigger than your fellow showgirl. It’s an experience that will haunt you forever.

First, let's stress that this is just a hypothetical example of what might happen in a real showgirl situation. This is in no way a confession of something that did (or did not) happen to me at some point in time.

Suppose the dialogue below took place right after the holidays. And let’s say I had a couple months off as I was switching from one show to another. It was a brand new year. I hadn’t really eaten much the whole previous year so I made up for it during Thanksgiving and Christmas … and New Year's. Suppose I ran into a fellow showgirl and she said the following to me:

Fellow Showgirl: “You are looking different these days. I can’t quite place my finger on it.” (This is showgirl code for “You are either putting on weight or you are pregnant, but either way, it’s congratulations to me.”)

Me: “Thanks!” (This is showgirl code for “Thanks, but I’m not pregnant, and this is just water retention.”) Suddenly, I was extremely embarrassed. I went into damage control mode. I figured if I just went with the whole pregnancy thing, then no one could possibly criticize me for gaining the weight: “Actually, it’s really early on so I wasn’t planning on announcing anything yet but I guess you caught me! Listen, I would really appreciate if you don’t tell anyone about this.”

Fellow Showgirl: "OMG! Congratulations! Of course! I would never say anything." (Which is showgirl code for she already told everyone.)

Next thing I knew, everyone was congratulating me for eating a big Thanksgiving meal. Then, I was invited to my baby shower. Speculation as to who the father was didn’t seem to die down. Finally, it all got to be too much. I had to come clean and I just blurted out: “Okay, I have a confession to make. It was a turkey.”

Fellow Showgirl: “Listen, I’ve dated some losers myself. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
Me: “No. It was a real turkey.”

Fellow Showgirl: “Hey, that’s the father of your child you’re talking about.”

Me: “No, I meant I ate a lot of turkey and some mashed potatoes and some pumpkin pie and … The point is, I’m not pregnant. But thank you for all these great gifts. It’s very touching and I’m sure they’ll come in handy some day.”

Since then, I vowed never to be in that position again.

What’s crazy is I just recently ran into that fellow showgirl. I hadn’t seen her in a while. She just told me she’s pregnant! She’s not showing yet but I did notice she looked a little different. So exciting! She asked me to keep it quiet since she’s in the early stages of her pregnancy.

Like a loyal showgirl, I promised I wouldn’t say anything, so I’m hoping all of you loyal readers will also respect her wishes.

Monday, January 12, 2015

Breaking the Showgirl Code

Maren Wade's Confessions of a Showgirl: Breaking the Showgirl Code
Maren Wade's Confessions of a Showgirl: Breaking the Showgirl Code
 Click here to see article featured in Las Vegas Weekly

Some of you might not know this but I lead a double life. I’m also a super-secret agent, protecting the nation by fighting crime and decoding classified information.

They call me Agent Double D Seven.

Okay, I have a confession to make. I’m not a double D. But I do speak code and I’m going to decode one of the wonders of the world for you: the Showgirl Code.

We showgirls don’t always say what we mean. There’s a fine line between the words coming out of our mouths and the message intended. And by fine, picture the length of the Grand Canyon. But do not fear; I will shed light on the true showgirl meanings of these commonly used sayings.

"Great show!" 

If you are a showgirl and another showgirl says this to you after seeing your show, it means your performance did not succeed in making your friend jealous. In this case, “great” means you did a great job of making your fellow showgirl feel superior.

On the other hand, you should be grateful she didn’t say, “Good show.” Notice the absence of the exclamation mark. If you get one of those, well, you should get out of the business altogether.

So what does a showgirl say to you when she really does think your performance was great? 

"I’m so happy for you." (See my past explanation of this one. It’s too traumatic to rehash.)

"You are so sickeningly talented." 

Take note of the word “sickeningly.” If that’s not there, you aren’t talented at all. If you are lucky enough to be told this, it means you have made your fellow showgirl sick with envy and you are truly a force to be reckoned with.

"I hate her but in a good way." 

This is the ultimate showgirl term of endearment. Every showgirl should aspire to be this good, but there are pros and cons here. The pro is that you are so good she hates you. The con is she actually hates you.

"You look so healthy." 

This is very bad. You are obviously one step away from being put on weight probation. Better to starve yourself than to starve your bank account.

"I’m so looking forward to this break. I can’t wait to have some me time." 

This means this showgirl is out of work and dreading it. She will spend her time distraught with anxiety while Facebook-stalking all her employed showgirl friends, eating ice cream and praying no one tells her how healthy she looks.

When a showgirl leaves a show before its run she might say: "We mutually parted ways." It means she got fired. Change the subject immediately.

In the morning, after a long night of drinking (because you didn’t change the subject immediately) you might say: "I’m going to detox." 

This means it’s time to cure your hangover with a Bloody Mary.

"You are such a natural beauty." 

This is so offensive, talking about your breast size like that! This is no friend. A showgirl is not in the business of looking natural. As I’ve said before, if we don’t look fake, we aren’t doing our job.

"What a cute picture of us. I’m going to Instagram this!" 

This means she looks great and you don’t. Plus, that showgirl is probably an expert in Photoshop. If you ever want to spot the Photoshop expert in your social media feeds, look for the showgirl in the picture with no flaws and no facial features except her eyes and mouth.

You know you've arrived when you become an adjective. Let me give you an example: “You are being so Confessions of a Showgirlish right now.” This is the biggest compliment of all—to me, at least. If people are talking about you, then you are showgirling it up.

The absolute worst thing a showgirl can say is … Nothing! There is no bigger insult than being ignored. If you have any decency at all, at least say something mean. But to say nothing is a blunt dagger through a showgirl’s heart. It’s even worse than the five words a showgirl never wants to hear.

Please note: This showgirl decoding is top secret. It’s imperative you guard this information with your life. If this got into the wrong hands, it could be an issue of national security. (And by wrong hands, I mean the hands of another showgirl.)

Monday, January 5, 2015

"Wait, You're Not Gay?"

Maren Wade's Confessions of a Showgirl: "Wait, You're Not Gay?"
Maren Wade's Confessions of a Showgirl: "Wait, You're Not Gay?"
Click here to see article in Las Vegas Weekly

I should rewind to give you some context, though it may make it more confusing. But at least you’ll be as confused as I am.

Life as a showgirl consists of singing and dancing. They say you’re the company you keep, so I’m surrounded by singers and dancers. You with me so far?

When you are a part of cast, they are like family. Albeit, a dysfunctional family. Come to think of it, a lot like my real family. You spend most of your days together backstage or in the dressing room constantly bonding. You laugh. You cry. You share your deepest darkest secrets. You regret sharing your deepest darkest secrets. Then you do it again. Then you regret it all over again.

Another thing about life backstage is that there’s no time for modesty. Everyone is pretty much naked or in varying states of undress the whole time they’re not onstage. (I know, you’re wondering why you can’t buy tickets to that show. I don’t blame ya. It’s like an orgy. Wait, so maybe saying your cast is like family isn’t the best analogy.)

Anyway, my point is you get close to all the showgirls and you also get close to all the showboys. Now, I don’t wish to shock you, but a significant percentage of men who sing and dance onstage are gay. Given this, can one blame someone for assuming that to be the case? (And by someone, I mean me.)

In the animal kingdom, when a female cat is ready to mate, she places her elbows on the ground, crouches her back legs and elevates her bottom into the air. Flirt. Spotted hyenas engage in a “greeting” display, where they lift their leg up and expose themselves. Showgirls do pretty much all of the above (depending on the choreographer), plus a flick of the hair (aka “hairography”), whether they are pursuing a mate or not.

So, this one particular showboy had already seen me naked. We quick-changed together everyday. He groped and prodded me in various positions. Did I mention we were dance partners? We stretched and performed together the entire show. We laughed and gossiped backstage. We told each other our best breakup stories, without any pronouns. (Only something I came to notice after the fact.)
One night, he asked if I’d like to go for drinks after work. I mean, why not take this friendship to the next level? Sure, I’ll go for a drink. Sure, I’ll hang out at your apartment with you, just the two of us and a bottle of wine. Sure, I’ll talk with you about what I’m looking for in a man, and you’ll do the same.

Well, that was lovely. Would you look at the time! It’s 5 a.m. I got to get home early. (What can I say, it’s all part of the glamorous life of a showgirl.)

Alright ol’ buddy, ol’ pal, give me a nice big hug before I make my way home. It has been sooo nice hanging with you. You are such a good friend! Hmm. That is a really long hug. Hugs are nice. Wow, there is some firm hand action moving its way down to my lower back. Oh, my mistake. Hang on a sec. That hand is on my butt. Weird! Well, let me know how it feels. You gay guys do have amazing taste, and you always give us honest feedback. Okay, time to go! I’ll just say goodbye, “It’s sooo good to see ...”

And now you’re caught up.

“Wait, you’re not gay?” These were the muffled words coming out of my mouth while he was planting a nice juicy wet one on me.

I was in shock. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I thought, “We go shopping together. He picks out my best outfits. He does my makeup better than anyone I know. He’s so in touch with his emotions. He’s the only friend I have that cries at Disney movies with me. We screamed together that time we saw that spider. We both love musical theater!”

So I’m sure you get the moral of this story. I guess some straight guys have good taste, too.